Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
