You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
