Umm I'm too high to move.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
