Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
