They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
