Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
