A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
