Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
