she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
