ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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