my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
