dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
