Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
