I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
