Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
