I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
