There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
