well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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