he puts the penis in happiness.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
