What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
