We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
