My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
