Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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