You can't motorboat a personality
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
