my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
