I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
