I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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