I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
