Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
