Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
