There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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