i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
