He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
