Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
