May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
