I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
