btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
