there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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