After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
