I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
