Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
4 words: hood of his car
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
