Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
