my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
