I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
