Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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