Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
