i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
