I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
