butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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