My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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