If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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