you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
