No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my being single is dangerous.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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