listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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